


Bullet

by Setkia



Series: it's okay to not be okay [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Introspection, M/M, Oblivious!Wade, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Ramblings, Suicide But It's Deadpool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 12:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15267606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setkia/pseuds/Setkia
Summary: “So we’ve got a few choices here. I could kidnap him, releasing him under the condition that he goes out with you, and buys me a chimichanga, cause you know, I’ve got to eat. Ruining his reputation on social media is always an option. Or I could turn him into the SnapChat ghost, if you get my drift?”Spider-Man laughs. It’s a beautiful sound. “Any less violent options?”Перевод на русский язык!





	Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE FOUND DEADPOOL'S FUCKING THEME SONG BASICALLY. Anyway, I've actually outlined the majority of this series, and I think I've decided how long it's going to be. Thinking about also posting it on its own as a multi-chapter fic? Maybe? Tell me if you'd be interested in that. I wouldn't be deleting these, I'd just make it easier to access all parts of the story at once.

****_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_  
_I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone._  
_I’m sitting on the edge with my two best friends,_  
_One’s a bottle of pills, one’s a bottle of gin,_  
_I’m 20 stories up, yeah, I’m up at the top,_  
_I’ll polish off this bottle, now it’s pushing me off,_  
_Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,_  
_Believe me when I tell you I’ve been persistent,_  
_‘Cause I’m more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,_  
_I’ve been trying too long, with too dull a knife  
_ _But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice_

—Hollywood Undead, _[Bullet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP077RitNAc)_

  
The huge hassle of getting to the top of a skyscraper in New York City is worth the view of the skyline of the city he terrorizes.

Unlike every other hero that Fury has snatched up in New York, Wade’s abilities do _not_ include scaling large, vertical man-made structures with ease. He’s not sure if he’s in such good shape because of the jobs he takes, or because he never finishes a day off without a high view of the city. Maybe it’s none of those things and it’s the healing factor, reverting his body to the exact shape he was in before Weapon X. He was in great shape for someone with cancer.

Can he get more cliché? Finding a second home in one of the largest cities in the continental US. Though Canada always comes first to him, without realizing it he’s put down roots in the Big Apple.

Wade has always had wanderlust. Never satisfied to stay anywhere for too long, always moving onto the next place. A man, as long as he can remember (though that isn’t much), who has lived out his suitcase. He’s never been book smart, but he’s learnt quite a few things out on the streets. He has a very specific skill set, one that makes him a source of confusion for the Avengers because he doesn’t exactly do _bad_ things, so much as he does the right things in the _wrong_ way.

He’s fine with his strange moral code that no one but himself understands. It makes life easier when you see things in black and white.

It’s a bit ironic, but Wade’s shit at healing.

He’s learnt how to walk off the bullets, how to get back to his feet after it hits the bone. He’s learnt how to pretend his ankle isn’t unstable, how to walk off the shots to his stomach without flinching.

He has a high pain tolerance.

No, he’s good at _pretending_ he has a high pain tolerance.

The reality is always the contrary.

Doing his job hurts like a motherfucker, but someone has to do it, and it certainly won’t be the Goody-Two-Shoe Avengers who’ll step up to the plate. His special power isn’t pain tolerance, it’s healing. Which means he feels it. Every gunshot, every stab wound, every concussion and torture method. And until it heals, it’s a throbbing pain that makes him numb. He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse that he can still feel pain. It doesn’t mean anything to him anymore, because even when he’s not taking a hit from someone else, he feels the cells.

Cancer isn’t a thing you live with and never feel. There’s a reason you go to the doctor and feel fear when they tell you that dull ache you’ve been feeling is your body’s way of failing to take care of you. Being diagnosed with cancer gives a name to the pain, it doesn’t solve anything.

Wade is a patient, and a doctor all at once. He is always sick, and always healing. He’s kind of shit at both though.

The only time he feels _good_ is with a bullet through his head. Which, sounds super depressing, he’s fully aware, but he’s pretty sure he has one of the worst powers there is. Sure, he can never get sick, and from the way he keeps regenerating like he’s still on the cusp of his thirty-third birthday, he can never grow old, but he’s in constant pain. He’s become immortal when the only thing he wants to do with die.

His curse isn’t the cancer, or the healing. It’s the life he can’t stop living.

“What are you doing up here?”

Wade turns around to see Spider-Man right next to him. He never heard him approach.

“Spidey Baby!”

“Don’t, Wade,” says the superhero. “I’m on patrol, what’s your excuse?”

“Wanted to see the sunrise.”

**Liar.**

_What else is new?_

They sit in silence for a while, Spidey taking a seat next to him and folding up his legs. They’re nice legs. Wade used to have nice legs.

Suddenly, Spider-Man clears his throat.

“Uh, you’re um … you’re pan, right?”

Wade blinks. “Where’s this coming from, Webs?”

Spider-Man rolls his eyes. “Urgh, never mind.”

“No, I am,” the merc says quickly. It’s almost like Spidey’s in a sharing mood, which _never_ happens when Wade’s around, so he’ll capitalize on it when he can. “Got a question for an LGBTQ+ friend?”

“I just … you’ve been with … guys, before, right?”

“Yeah.” _When I was pretty. When people liked me. If they ever did._ “Got your eye on someone?” He’s trying to keep the curiosity and hope out of his voice, but he doubts it’s working.

“Maybe. I just … I gave this guy my number and …” Spider-Man bites his lip through his mask, and the mutant watches as the fabric pulls before he lets it go. “Well, he … he hasn’t called and … I don’t know …” He shrugs. “I was hoping he would.”

Well Wade knows it definitely isn’t him, which is great, he’ll have no trouble keeping the bastard dead for doing this to his Spidey. Not that Spidey’s an object that can be owned, or have a price put on him, because he’s not. He’s his own independent being who also happens to like a guy, which might make Spidey bi? But either way, that guy isn’t Wade, and it’ll probably never be Wade, especially since he looks the way he does and there’s the whole killing thing to consider.

“So you’re having boy problems?”

“Oh my God, I regret this entire conversation,” Spider-Man says, swinging his legs over the side of the building, but there’s no malice in his voice. He sounds … playful. This just hurts more.

“No, you’ve come to the love guru Wade for help, and help I shall give.” _As I tear my heart apart even more_. The gun in his holster is really appealing suddenly. “So we’ve got a few choices here. I could kidnap him, releasing him under the condition that he goes out with you, and buys me a chimichanga, cause you know, I’ve got to eat. Ruining his reputation on social media is always an option. Or I could turn him into the SnapChat ghost, if you get my drift?”

Spider-Man laughs. It’s a beautiful sound. “Any less violent options?”

“You could forget about him and date me.”

_Shit._

“Or not. Cause you know, my experience would _totally_ scare you out of your wits. I can make pocket watches sexual. I’m Harkness levels of seduction above the rest.” Wade really hopes the pause between his last comment wasn’t too long. “Yeah, it’s better if you don’t date me. The weird-ass kinks I’d get your innocent little self wrapped up in are like the plot of a really bad porno. But like, a good one, because _I’d_ be in it, cause you know, healing basically means no refectory period and I have told you _way_ too much about my dick, haven’t I? See, this is why I’d be a terrible boyfriend.”

Along with literally everything else about Wade.

“I should come with a warning label, you know. Not for the faint of heart, or something like that. Or like, traumatized by others, ready to traumatize you. That is, if you could get it up after looking at my face. Then again, you could totally not be into sex while liking guys, which is totally a thing. You could only want to have sex with chicks and still think guys are on fleek. Is that still at think people say?”

**Shut the fuck up.**

That may be the only good piece of advice his voices have ever given him, and so for once, he does as they tell him to, clamping harshly down on his jaw.

Spidey is silent. For some reason, he hasn’t jumped to another building or pushed Wade off, though he’s pretty sure it’s just cause Wade’s got dibs on this one, since you know, got here first and all that.

It’s immature of him, but he starts whistling. Anything to get rid of the silence, when Spider-Man speaks up.

“You’re off-key.”

Wade snorts. “How can I be off-key if I’m not singing?”

“You just _are_.”

“Listen, I’m about to talk seriously, which you know I _never_ do, so this is super important.” Wade takes a deep breath and musters every bit of courage he has, ignoring the pain, like he always does. “Be like Nike and just do it. If you like him that much, then he’d be an idiot not to go for you, and if he’s a really big dick, I’ll make sure he can never use his again. Deal?”

Spidey grins.

“Deal.”

Wade can almost _hear_ his heart break as he shakes his hand.

Spidey goes off with a little spring in his web as he goes off to fight crime around the neighbourhood and Wade is left alone at the top with a gun, and a fun game of Russian Roulette to partake in.


End file.
